Last Call // Theorems

The following theorems provide a simple way to summarize Mr. Hartford’s observation, as well as some other nuances of how the majority of males and females are operating within the current state heterosexual hook-up and dating world.  As per Webster’s Dictionary, a theorem is a proposition that is not self-evident but that can be proved from accepted premises, and so is established as a law or principle.  Last Call introduces various theorems based on my own premises regarding the basic principles for males and females sharing company time and having sex in the current state.  [Click on the Theorem for the proof.]

Theorem 5.1 – Four Stages: The age discrimination between roughly same age males and females in the heterosexual hook-up and dating world changes hands depending on which stage of life they are in.  The four stages are as follows:

1)     the school years
2)     the post-school twenties
3)     the thirties
4)     the forties and beyond

Generally speaking, the female tends to age discriminate during the first two stages—the school years and post-school twenties.  During the third stage (a person’s thirties), age discrimination begins to slowly change hands from the female to the male.  For the entire fourth stage (a person’s forties and beyond), the male tends to age discriminate throughout.

Theorem 5.2 – Cookie Jars: If she chooses, the female can have cookies from more than one cookie jar in any given week with little to no out-of-pocket cost.  She can have a sugar cookie on Wednesday night, a chocolate chip cookie on Friday night, and an oatmeal cookie on Saturday night.  With all of the money she did not have to spend on food and alcoholic beverage items that week—ironically stashed away in a modern day cookie jar (her purse)—she proceeds to buy her 51st pair of active shoes on Sunday.

Theorem 5.3 – Sweat Block: When a person goes out with the same opposite-sex person on several occasions over a short period of time and allows them to subsidize the majority of food, beverage, entertainment and travel expenses jointly incurred, that person can find themselves on a sweat block with the anticipation of a sexual move by that opposite-sex person.

Theorem 5.4 – Fine Lines: Fine [verbal] lines can usually end up enticing a person to decide to make out with an opposite-sex person who has a sexual interest in them.  Without those fine lines, a person is likely to forgo accepting a sexual move by a particular opposite-sex person—unless that person is incredibly hot.  When a male finds himself in a potential first-time hook-up situation—either with a female he just met or has known for a while—fine lines, whether truthful or not, are invoked by the male in an attempt to close the deal with the female.

Theorem 5.5 – Four Reasons: The four reasons why monogamy does not exist in the heterosexual hook-up and dating world:

1)     the prevalence of alcohol and associated blackout periods
2)     the societal acceptance of the “What happens in X, stays in X” attitude
3)     the digital photography of private parts and sexuality
4)     the celebrity exception factor

Theorem 5.6 – Four Roles: The four roles that exist in the heterosexual hook-up and dating world are as follows:

1)     the female
2)     the male she is committed to
3)     the other male
4)     the other female

Theorem 10.1 – Princess Pandermania*: The youthful female is taken care of financially so much during her upbringing that she translates that ideal to getting her food, beverage, entertainment and travel expenses paid for by the non-related males she shares company time with upon entering adulthood.  Dads and granddads exacerbate this practice by believing that their daughters need protection more than their sons.

Theorem 11.1 – Stroke & Poke*: The male with status or wealth will often have a noticeable level of swagger and friskiness when interacting with females he has set his sights on.  Upon any stroking of his ego, poking a random female is potentially not too far behind.

Theorem 14.1 – Protégé Pandermania: The youthful female is taken care of, or pampered, so much by her mother that she translates that behavior to potential male partners, using her sexuality to get her way, just like mommy wished she could still do, still hopes for, or even continues to do despite daddy.

Theorem 15.1 – Sip & Flip*: Everything the male can both sip and flip on a female is now publicly displayed at will, including breasts, buttocks and even the ultimate private part flesh, the vagina.  The one thing that the female sips and flips is the erect penis, which is never seen anywhere in public.  When these facts are considered together, no wonder the male is more visually oriented than the female.  While females all around him are oozing their sexuality through breast cleavage, midriff swaths, buttocks cracks, elongated legs and now air accessible vaginas, the male is given no choice but to let his imagination run wild on what it would be like to have sex with any number of them.

Theorem 20.1 – Match Points: Although certain differences between partners might not appear to be deal breakers, when enough of them are added together they can be significant.  When partners do not match up well with the following personality trait points, the likelihood for an eventual physical cheat event is increased.

» One is fit and one is not                                  » One drinks alcohol and one does not
» One enjoys socializing and one does not       » One uses drugs and one does not
» One dances and one does not                       » One loves sex and one does not

Theorem 20.2 – Forty Percent: Take whatever a female speak-daily partner tells the male about her suspect activities from the night before and divide the original story by a factor of 0.40, or forty percent, to estimate the one hundred percent true story.

Theorem 20.3 – One in XY*: The more males that a female sexually attracts in a given month, the more likely an alternative alpha male will come along and tempt her away immediately, or at the very least, become a backdoor account that will eventually tempt her.  For the female, one in XY males will come along with the Right: 1) look, 2) smell, 3) sense of humor, 4) power and 5) approach, at the Right: 6) time and 7) place, and with the Right: 8) amount of alcohol consumed [R8 for short], and the female will be tempted and might end up in trouble.

Theorem 20.4 – Four Categories: There are four categories of pain associated with a partner physical cheat event:

1) Picturing the details of the actual sex act itself
2) Realizing how long the cover-up period was and all the assoicated lying
3) The sacrifice of not hooking up with others during that speak-daily partnership
4) Dealing with the wrench thrown into a compatible and content partnership

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